What Are You Guys Wearing to the Ceremony Honoring the Dog Skull Cracking Deputy?

An attorney for the off-duty Montgomery Co deputy who bashed a dog’s brains in then adopted a different dog at the pound wrote a letter to the local paper to tell of his client’s uh, heroism.

The MCSO deputy, now identified as Keith Berger, says through his lawyer – and oh yes, I’m paraphrasing here – that he saw three female vols, one of them a teenager, in an enclosure with Rock, the 90 pound pitbull mix, another large pitbull mix and a tiny dog being eaten by the other two.  The three hysterical women were yelling and flailing and attempting to break up the little dog buffet with sticks and a hose.  Although the dogs were not behaving aggressively toward the vols, the deputy envisioned that the teen girl looked very chomp-worthy to Rock and decided to jump in and save the overemotional wimmins.  Berger could have opened fire inside the enclosure, cause you know, yay guns, but he valiantly opted not to do so instead relying on his super manly strength.  He “picked up a piece of ‘half rotten’ 2×4 and hit Rock on the head.” It was barely a tap, just enough to save the pygmy dog and the silly little girl and the world. An ACO then came in and broke up the fight between the two large dogs.

See.  It was totally a situation where womenfolk got themselves into a fix and they were all going to die, probably.  The deputy has a sworn duty to protect and to serve and just because he’s not on the clock doesn’t mean he’s going to stand by while fainting ladies put themselves in harm’s way.  He gets all the credit for not shooting up the place and for his deft wielding of a toothpick to stop Rock from doing what he was not doing but totally could have, possibly, if you’ll only believe.  You don’t have to thank him, just let him know when the medal ceremony is to be held.

Montgomery Co is continuing to investigate itself in the matter and the investigation is reportedly “moving along quickly.”  And, not to give away the ending but:

“While this matter is still being thoroughly investigated, several accounts that had initially surfaced on social media regarding the incident have proven to be false,” District Attorney Brett Ligon said. “We will continue to follow every lead and witness; but as of yet, we have not received the necropsy report or the completed report from the detective assigned to the case.”

We don’t yet know what happened but we do know that several accounts which do not fit our narrative are wrong. We are being very thorough and waiting by the mailbox for the necropsy report which will confirm that Rock had Jelly Head Syndrome and even a love pat would have caused his skull to cave in which will prove that the deputy did him a favor actually.  Medal ceremony to be announced forthwith.

(Thanks Clarice.)

13 thoughts on “What Are You Guys Wearing to the Ceremony Honoring the Dog Skull Cracking Deputy?

  1. Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly how it happened. He only gave Rock a little tap, and it was the other vicious pit bull that caused the severe neurological damage. I bet there was another 2×4 lying around and that nasty dog just grabbed it and hit Rock with it.

  2. So… okay. Volunteers put dogs together who should not have been. Dogs fighting. Stupid shit happens – especially when you don’t train your volunteers properly.

    Cops says he did not hit dog hard enough to cause serious injury – yet dog is euthanized for “severe neurological damage”. I guess maybe the other large dog got a hold of the 2×4 to finish what he started.

    But to add to the mind-boggling nature of the thing, an ACO then runs in to break up the fight with a RAKE? Is NO ONE THERE TRAINED ON WHAT TO DO IN THE EVENT OF A DOG FIGHT? Because apparently the ACO is just as clueless as everyone else. By my count, they now had FOUR adults and a teen with only two dogs actively fighting at this point. How does “grab a rake” make any sense at all? You wheelbarrow those dogs apart, people. With plenty of hands left to grab leashes, the injured little dog, and someone to run for help. Geez.

    Thank goodness for Hero Deputy Guy. Without his fast-acting cluelessness, we might only have had one dog injured. Now we have one dead and two seriously injured! It’s an absolute wonder that humans weren’t on the injured list as well with all of the incompetence rampant in the area.

  3. This would be a great subscription to shelter, animal abuse but can I suggest that sarcasm doesn’t come of well in a mainstream way. We’re all frustrated, but sarcasm in a written column mostly comes offensive and turns off the potential of being really bigger audience. You guys are outstanding with the information and the true to the no kill shelters but I would keep this written for a mainstream news outlet and not a tiny Mean Girls Club diary.

    Thanks you guys for your dedication. We are rooting for you!


    1. Well I *was* going to be against animal abuse but then that YesBiscuit lady was sarcastic and mean to animal abusers so now I’m totally on their side!

      1. I know, right? I mean, if it weren’t for the sarcastic tone, I’m sure shelters all over the country would be reading this and thinking, “Wow, this is good information. We can really change our ways and stop torturing and killing pets, hiring abusive and unqualified people, and generally focus on life-saving techniques today! If only someone had told us sooner not to run our shelter like a concentration camp!”

  4. what happened to the original account, where all shelter personnel were frantically searching for a loose dog? Odd, apparently the facts are subject to change once a little time has passed.
    They don’t even bother with good lies anymore, sad.

    1. You’re mixing up your shelter beatings, sadly. The man who stomped the cat to death was unsupervised because all the shelter personnel were looking for a lost dog apparently.

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